I'm confused about "everything"! I don't know what I want anymore. 'He' is confusing me but it is more me than anything. I'm just confusing myself. We have a lot in common but it would be so much easier if he wasn't so darn cute! I would be able to open myself up better. I saw him in a different light today. I think I'm just over it all. I'm not going to worry about what happens. It will if it's meant to be. I have had a few dreams lately. They basically are telling me that I need to face my worst enermy; myself. I am so confused, content, and stressed out over nothing! Nothing is actually something though! I'm not going to ignore myself anymore. I'm going to listen. Listen to my feelings; to me. I have this deep feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm not sure why or how it's there but I feel and acknowledge it's existence. It's almost a feeling of sadness and emptiness compounded with confusion. I feel like crying. What I need isn't being filled. I still don't knew what that is, so how am I suppose to fix this? How am I supposed to know how I feel about someone else when I am uncertain of my own feelings? I think this is one of the most complicated times of my life. I was happy today and yet I'm confused. Do confusion and sadness fall in the same area? I'm not sure. The first step is acknowledging the problem. I know it's there! Check!
The second step is finding the root of the problem: I think it's trust. Half check!
The third step is recognizing the pattern and know there is healing: Need to do.
Fourth step is changing the pattern: I need to do.
Okay, well I'm half way out of this confusion and Caitlin is feeling the SAME exact way. I just talked with her a few minutes ago. Gheeze, we are connecting in the worst way. We are polar opposites but yet on the same wave length at the same time. I'm always feeling the way she is feeling. I know why. Don't ask.
187 Played With A Kitty.
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