Today wasn't as much work as it could of been. I had a history test and it didn't study. To my luck, it was open book. Yay! I probably outdid myself on writing. It took me a while. Well, We were listening to the teacher read last class (boring, I know...) and a part in the book came up about a pretty girl with long hair and dark eyes. Anthony turned around to me and said that the girl that was described looked like me. Awe, that was so nice of him to say! It made me happy! I know I'm not pretty or at least I don't feel pretty. I just feel like a normal, average looking girl.  I'm okay with that. Humm..I talked very briefly with Bryan after last block and I said something like "Do whatever makes you happy." There was this guy that I don't even know and he said "Gheeze, I wish a girl would say that to me." He was just stupid. lol

Humm..I have many flaws within myself but there is something about me that really irritates me. This is envy. I am envious and jealous of many people. I have improved though. I try my best not to let envy rule me. I hate thinking "I don't have this. I want that. Why can't I look like her?" These things annoy me. My best friend from ninth grade, Briana. She was just so jealous of me and it took me forever to realize this, and that was with the help of my sister. She said very mean and hurtful things to me and it deeply affected my self-esteem as a whole. I couldn't look at anyone in the eye anymore. One random person even acknowledged this. Well, Her ex boyfriend had a major crush on me and I know she hated me for that. She bought the same exact clothes that I did and I felt like I couldn't be an individual! It drove me nutty.  We had a lot in common and I gradually pushed her away from me until she eventually fell out of my life. She was a liar and a manipulater. You wouldn't of thought this when you first meet her. You would probably think she was a very fun, nice person. It's interesting to see how you really cannot judge a person based on what you see on the outside. My perception was disorted. The whole time of her putting me down I couldn't stand up for myself and tell her how I felt. I felt that she over powered me in such a way. I have changed since then. Maybe too dramatically. I have confronted my friend Heather and told her exactly, I mean exactly how I feel about the things she has said and done. I think I might have been too forceful towards her. She told me I had hurt her feelings. Even though what she did was very wrong, I realize it is her life and my judgements don't really matter. I now know I shouldn't just keep my mouth shut the whole time but I also shouldn't be too forceful. I am really going to work at this. This is something I really need to concentrate on.

Alicia